Identify mysterious objects, whether they be animal/vegetable/other/etc. in various stages of digestion. Just last Friday the big debate in our household was whether that thing she spit out was a frog or a cicada. Oh yeah. Good times.
Develop lightening-fast reflexes by shutting bedroom doors, picking up toys, snatching away remote controls before they meet the jaws of terror. It requires speed and finesse. There’s a grand-prize winning America’s Funniest Home Video to anyone who wants to record this morning ritual. It’s like an Olympic sport.
Discover just how much lint your undergarments can collect when carried off under the couch to be enjoyed. For that matter, you can discover just how much you need to sweep under the furniture.
Laugh your butt off when your puppy growls at, barks circles around, and eventually runs away from the trash can lid. Repeat same behavior with a bird feather, a piece of that floaty-cottony stuff, and most recently, my shadow (don’t know why she didn’t notice it until today).
Know, with full certainty, that your dog is capable of the most rancid, foul smelling farts to ever assult the human senses. Seriously.
Use your puppy’s tendency to chew everything in sight as a passive-aggressive way to reintroduce your husband to the concept of a laundry hamper (but I haven’t actually done it yet).
Realize that your dog is not the only thing that poops in your yard.
Launch investigations into what that other pooper is–preliminary theories are: deer, cat, other dog, all of the above.
Get in the habit of pulling forgotten puppy treats out of your pocket every night.
Teach this creature that has all the impulse control and desire to chew of an infant, but with really sharp teeth, that your furniture, your hands, your children are not chew toys.
Devise creative ways to keep puppy in close proximity while outside without the convenience of a chain or fence (which will be done later this summer). Early successes have been tying her leash to the patio table or to a heavily laden Radio-Flyer wagon (one of those big ATWs). This is not animal cruelty because I never leave her like this. These rigs are only for when I’m outside with her, and I need two hands to do something else like disposing of her poop out of the yard so she won’t want to eat it later. Yep.
Finally, realize that however challenging you thought having two kids was… you have a much greater appreciation for the fact that they have better sense than to dash into the street, don’t chew on literally everything in sight, and don’t crap on the living room floor.
But we do love her.
personal note to Jaime and Mark: Yes, I know. This post confirms everything you already think about dogs. What can I say? You’re not wrong. They’re pretty much disguisting and badly behaved at this age, much like children.